Never Ending Darkness

 AylaI’m confused. My head is pounding and I can barely shift my eyes behind my lids because it hurts too damn bad. The smell of mildew and piss quickly reminds me that I am still captive in my 5×5 cage underground. My piss bucket was probably knocked over again. Moaning, I shift to my side and start to open my eyes. Darkness greets me. No lights tonight mean I’m being punished. The beating I took makes me feel like I’ve been hit by a truck and dragged down a mountain. He shuts the lights off if I don’t cry for him. The only thing that brings the warden great pleasure is seeing my tears while he takes what he wants from me, when he wants it. My pain is the only thing that apparently brings him joy. The darkness never bothered me as a wolf shifter, but when my wolf Aramana abandoned me, I lost my night vision and now the once unbothersome darkness now holds all my fears with no warning of their approach.I’m unable to stretch out unless I’m being tied down and I can’t use my full shifter healing abilities without my wolf. If I’m not being raped, abused and tortured, I’m daydreaming about all the beautiful ways I can end my suffering. Some would call my longing for death suicidal ideations. I call it freedom. Salvation. The end to all of my constant pain. Kidnapped years ago, at 14, I have been held captive long enough to mature as a woman and omega shifter. I don’t know how long I’ve been locked away, but I know every day here is another day too long.“Wakey, wakey.” Whispers the warden from somewhere in the dark. How long has he been here hiding, watching? I immediately jump back into the corner of my cell when I feel faint breath on the nape of my neck. “It’s a shame you can’t see the bumps that lurk in the night, snow.” Terrified, I curl up into a ball in the middle of my cell. His breath reeks of cigarettes and booze. “You didn’t cry for me. You quit screaming and now you take away my tears? Are you truly that broken little snow?” His mocking laugh echoing in the underground facility I’m kept in. “I told you I would get your voice back. Now, we’ll add your tears to the list ” he snarls and I hear the unlocking of my cage door. He immediately reaches in and grabs me by the hair pulling me from my cage naked and dragging my skinned knees across the concrete floor reopening them and causing them to bleed. I don’t fight. I gave that up what feels like lifetimes ago. I grit my teeth refusing to make a sound. I can’t remember the last time I spoke. My last words were “Please don’t put me in there.” He put me in the walk-in freezer naked anyway.I am lifted off the floor and immediately shoved into a wall. Cold and broken like me. Maybe he will choke me this time and go too far, ending my suffering. Maybe he will piss in my rations later and make me eat it. He’s quite creative when he’s been denied his pleasure. “Cry for me you little bitch.” He growls I’m sure flashing his fangs and placing his hand around my neck, squeezing the air from me and causing me to urinate down my leg causing him to laugh. “Beg for air and I’ll go easy on you. Give me your tears and I will give you a warm meal tonight. Withold them and you starve.” He reminds me. I can’t remember the last time I had anything warm to eat. My food is always cold and laced when I’m allowed to eat anyway. Laced with what…I’m not sure, but I think it is the main reason I lost Aramana. Maybe this time they put too much in? I would love to find out, but I refuse to give any of these assholes my tears or words. It’s all I have left. I’m mute by choice and will remain that way. If I can’t talk to my wolf, I don’t want to talk at all. They’ve taken everything from me. This is all I know. My ability to produce tears left and it’s not coming back. I’m broken, alone, helpless and a vegetable rotting in a cage. There is nothing else. I am numb.